The Editor's Desk

The first of what I’m sure will be another dozen incomprehensible spammed e-mails:

Dear Desert Dispatch,

Maureen Wessler

Sincerely

Maureen Wessler
[Address redacted]
Woodland Hills, CA

Let’s see how many I get this time. I did finally manage to get taken off one mailing list we ended up on that was supposed to send spam responses for action to legislators. I was getting pretty tired of demands that I vote in favor or against particular bills.

Dear Desert Dispatch,

i appoved this message. (sic)

Sincerely

Micu Finkelstein
[Address redacted]
Mojave, CA

I finally figured out where these letters are coming from. They show up in waves whenever something about the conflict between Israel and Palestine shows up in the L.A. Times. There’s clearly a Web site out there allowing visitors to write up letters and spam SoCal newspapers with them. None of them will ever run. I wonder if these folks realize they’d be better off just sending letters directly to the newspaper involved and not spamming newspaper editors across Southern California, most of whom are angrily deleting them out of their inbox.

Some of them even try to pose as “subscribers” of our publication, unaware that we’re hours away from the Los Angeles area.

In my inbox:

Dear Desert Dispatch,

Dear editor

Sincerely

Joseph Rivani
[Address redacted]
Los Angeles, CA

In my inbox:

Dear Desert Dispatch,

Stop the ROCKETS

Sincerely

William & Sandy Cummings
[Address redacted]
Garden Grove, CA

“Americans Willing to Forego Sex, Coffee and Sleep for Summer Shoe Comfort, Poll Reveals.”

Need I point out that this poll comes to us by way of a Web site selling shoe inserts?

And if you’re actually taken aback at the idea of people giving up sex for more comfortable shoes, the actual number of people willing to do so is apparently 7.7 percent. And only for a month.

Because of position as a newspaper editor and editorial writer, my e-mail is frequently flooded by statements from folks connected to issues in Sacramento begging for attention and hoping I’ll write about their concerns.

Generally, as I try to write about things that Barstow readers would actually be interested in and have a noticeable impact on their lives, the e-mails are ignored. (Though I do confess to amusement that I get e-mail updates from a state religious conservative group and state gay civil rights group that tend to be about the exact same issues, but with the opposite tone, depending on who is winning that particular fight)

In reality though, they probably have no idea who or what the Desert Dispatch is — these are mass e-mails sent to media outlets across the state.

Few are more persistent than the folks at legalizeferrets.org, a group devoted to, as you might guess, legalizing ownership of ferrets as pets in California. They are currently banned, apparently because of claims that they present a hazard to California’s agriculture. The group disputes these claims.

They e-mail me updates nearly every single week about their efforts (which are not going well, it seems). I have no intention of writing about them in the paper. Although I support their efforts, it’s not an issue that has enough impact for me to justify committing our limited newspaper space to.

But hey, thanks to the infinite space of the Internet, I can at least give them a little plug.

Hmmm. This entry began with the intent of being one of those “Look at what crazy stuff I get in my e-mail” deals but ended with me promoting them. I’m sure there’s probably a lesson in there somewhere about public relations.

A lot of folks try to get news publicity for their products or services by trying to tie them to the issue du jour.

This guy, however, gets points for gutsiness by really grasping to make a connection between his book and “reducing global warming”:

Silicon Valley, CA: If you’ve been turning ‘Green’ and wondering how you can help save the environment and even stop global warming, Silicon Valley inventor Dale Zamzow has the answer: “Build your own multi-purpose furniture.”

According to Zamzow, “why does a coffee table have to be just a coffee table? Why not construct a piece of furniture that can serve as a coffee table, a storage chest, liquor cabinet, hope chest…even your very own ultimate home.”

Zamzow has documented his idea in a new book entitled BUILD YOUR OWN COFFIN FOR UNDER TEN BUCKS. With this manual you can create your own dual-purpose coffin…a box that you can use now, as a piece of beautiful furniture. Then later, when the need arises, it can become your ultimate resting place.

“At last count, there were more than 6,556,773,622 people on this planet. If only a fraction of these folks followed the instructions in my book, we’d bring back the rain forests and halt this dreaded global warming syndrome. It’s the ultimate do-it-yourself project. Build a simple bookcase, a plush home entertainment center, an unique coffin table; handcraft a hope chest or linen cabinet. See how you can construct a piece of furniture that can be used now…and forevermore.”

For a free preview of this book, check out www.lulu.com/zamzow.

Yes, of course. We’ll halt global warming by making our own coffins! It all makes perfect sense!

I frequently admire that people feel strongly about so many important issues that affect Americans.

However, if your response to an issue is to head to some Web site to have a form letter e-mailed out en masse as a letter to the editor, you probably don’t feel strongly enough about the issue to bother.

I’ve been inundated this morning with a collection of extremely similar e-mails from different e-mail addresses complaining that the Bush Administration is declining to get involved in a Supreme Court case regarding whether investors can sue to recoup money when a company is charged with fraud, like Enron.

We don’t run form letters. Very few newspapers do, if they know what they’ve received is a form letter. The intent of the letters section of the newspaper is for readers to tell the public their opinions in their own words, not filtered through some other activist group’s Language Conformity Machine.

And newspapers our size don’t even run letters from people with no connection to their coverage area. These letters are coming from all over the place, not from Barstow. Most of them are being deleted without being read.

So if you’re mad and you don’t want to take it anymore, and your response is to get a Web site to do your work for you, you’re not nearly mad enough.

Somebody has apparently taught budding press release writers to pretend as though they actually know the thousands of strangers they’re e-mailing their requests for media attention to.

They probably think it makes the recipient more comfortable and inclined to read or react to the press release. It does not. It creeps them out. Here’s an example of a press release I got today from the Hallmark Channel:

“Hello Scott!

Hope all is going well for you… The weekend is almost here! Any special
plans?

I just wanted to pass on this sweet Hallmark Moment from our original
production Avenging Angel starring Kevin Sorbo. Avenging Angel premieres
Saturday, July 7 (9/8c).

I appreciate your consideration of this photo.

Thanks so much!”

I wonder how she would react if I actually responded with my weekend plans. She might be thrilled to hear about all the yard work I’m doing, since we’re such close friends. Maybe she has advice on trimming my rose bush.